Purpose Statement

MOPS Purpose Statement: MOPS International exists to encourage, equip and develop every mother of preschoolers to realize her potential as a woman, mother and leader in the name of Jesus Christ.

Showing posts with label separation anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label separation anxiety. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Something for your parenting toolkit - Separation Anxiety

Just came across this great blog post on managing Separation Anxiety and thought would share it here for anyone with kids settling into MOPPETS, a new daycare centre, kindy or school (and for us Mummys too). Great book suggestion to read with your children and a craft/necklace with message for you and your child to both wear when apart
Posted by Michele @ The Hills are Alive at 10:13 PM Labels: , 0 comments

Saturday, June 28, 2008

June 6 - The Family Room: Begin Here

Guest Speaker: Psychologist Lisa LindleyTopic: Separation Anxiety and Child Behaviour
Morning Tea Theme: Biscuits,Biscuits and more Biscuits
Craft: Decorating Jar Lids (one possible use ....Lisa's NOODLE JAR strategy)
Today we had Lisa Lindley come and speak. Lisa is a local psychologist specialising in child and family behaviour and Post Natal Depression.
Today she shared with us about Separation Anxiety. Her main points were that Separation Anxiety (child getting upset, tearful, clingy, crying when Mum leaves) is a NORMAL DEVELOPMENTAL MILESTONE.It means that your baby is attached to you as its primary care giver and that you have succeeded in creating a safe and secure environment for them. Those who would like further information on Infant Attachment (what it is, the importance of it etc) please see here (Early Childhood website) or here (Canadian website - attachment from a babies perspective).
It is important to realise that separation anxiety is a phase or stage of development, in time and with practice majority of infants will grow out of it. Some babies may experience Separation Anxiety for a longer period and more severely than others.Separation Anxiety commonly starts/peaks at around 7-8 mths -18mths. Your child may be more fearful of strangers, they may prefer one parent to the other and may wake at night looking for the comfort of parent.
What can you do to help your baby at this stage?
  • Don't worry about what others say. Just continue to love your baby so that they feel safe and secure and they will grow up to feel secure and trusting
  • Play games like peek a boo and hide and seek to help introduce your baby to the idea that things come and go and exist even if they can't see them. Babies are learning something called OBJECT PERMANENCE
  • Practice with quick and short separations
  • Try leaving baby in one room while you go to another room but continue to talk or sing to the baby to let them know you are there nearby even though they cant see you
  • Your baby needs to build trust so try not to sneak away and leave them. For an older toddler tell them where you are going and when you will be back (ie after their daytime sleep, after lunch etc)
  • Don't prolong your goodbye, establish a brief routine and stick with it (e.g., one kiss one cuddle say goodbye and leave). Be confident when you leave don't hesitate or linger or keep returning
  • Leave your baby with familiar people and try to organise it so you can stay for the first few times
  • If in day care aim for a centre that has same carers not rotated or frequent changes so your baby is less confused and can get to know the staff
  • Provide a distraction for as soon as you leave (get carers to help with this) e.g child engaged in playdoh etc
  • Allow your baby to have a special toy or comforter to help them adjust to new situations and people and ease the pain of the separation
  • If your baby attached to the other parent or another adult try not to take it personally as it is a normal phase of development
For those MOPS Mums wanting advice and strategies for toddlers and older children regarding difficulty separating please contact Parentline on 1300 301 300 and ask for the Triple P tipsheets on these topics (Leaving your Child with others, Separation Anxiety) to be sent out to you. They can also take you through these strategies over the phone. Advice from Parentline is just the cost of the call. Tipsheets are provided at no charge. If the problem is more severe you may want to meet with a Psychologist that specialises in child behaviour. Look under P in the Yellow Pages, contact your local QLD Health Child Health service and ask for an appointment with the Early Intervention Specialist (No charge but likely to be a waitlist) or click on Find a Psychologist on the Australian Psychologists Society website.

TODAYS CRAFT:
Our craft today was decorating Moccona coffee jars to recycle them as pretty storage jars etc (some examples were whole coffee beans in the lid, ribbons, fabric, other bits and pieces from craft supplies, nuts and bolts etc. Pretty much anything that fits inside the lid).
Lisa saw these jars we were working on and was prompted to also share a really effective way of rewarding children for good behaviour - a neat way of catching them being good and working up to a bigger reward.Her idea was that you choose a behaviour you want to see more often (eg speaking nicely, sharing, taking turns, saying please and thank you, doing a wee in the potty etc) and each time you catch the child doing this behaviour they can earn a noodle to place in jar. Can use marbles or buttons or anything else but noodles have the benefit of being cheap, in the pantry, large so fill up quick etc.
Since this meeting I (Michele) have been using this Noodle Jar idea in place of a standard behaviour chart for Compliance (doing what Mummy and Daddy say straight away) with our 3 year old and have had great success. Great novelty factor (the stickers on behaviour chart REALLY effective too but getting a bit tired as we have been using Behaviour Charts for a while now for various things on and off since Ella around 2 yo) and she loves putting the noodles in as well as seeing progress as it fills up.We started with drawing a few lines across the jar as was a big jar and wanted to increase chance of success initially. So reaching the first line earned Ella a trip to the park, then next line was baking a cake with mum and getting to crack the eggs (very exciting) and all the way to the top was a trip to Under Water World (where we have an Annual Pass).
Lisa also promoted her Post Natal Depression Support Group that meets on Wednesdays from 1-3pm at Maroochy Baptist Church (in the Beach Hut). Next course starts July 16, 2008. Here is the info off her flyer:
If you have had a child in the last 12mths and feel that you are
having difficulty adapting to motherhood
or have been diagnosed with Post Natal Depression
come along to a PND Support Group.
The group will commence with an 8 week program
aimed at providing you
with information about PND
and providing practical ways to
reduce symptoms or depression.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Come along for a coffee
and receive support and friendship from other women.
We are unable to offer childcare,
but you are welcome to bring along your baby
Contact Lisa on 0417 540 820 for further information.

As well as the PND support group, Lisa would like all MOPS Mums to know that she has her own private practice and offers individual counselling in the ares of depression, anxiety, PND, fertility issues, parenting , behaviour management as well as cognitive assessments for children. Contact Lisa on 0417 540 820 for further information.
Here is some info on PND and some common signs and symptoms of Post Natal Depression taken from the excellent booklet titled Understanding Postnatal Disorders which has been put out jointly by Womens' Health Queensland Wide Inc and Women's Info Link.
This booklet Understanding Postnatal Disorders can be found and downloaded for FREE here.It has plenty of quality information about The Baby Blues, Postnatal Depression and Postnatal Psychosis. As well as information on Signs and Symptoms, this booklet also covers Risk Factors, Myths and Expectations of Motherhood, Impact of Postnatal Depression on Relationships, Overcoming Postnatal Depression (including professional help, medication, support groups, other treatment, how to help yourself, how partners can help, what family and friends can do), Planning Ahead, Personal Stories and more. Well worth a read.
WHAT IS POSTNATAL DEPRESSION?
PND symptoms need to be present for 2 weeks+ consistently. They effect everyday functioning such as eating, sleeping and thinking. The symptoms may include (but not limited to): Physical:
  • sleep disturbances (insomnia, excessive sleep, early morning awakening)
  • changes in appetite (not eating, overeating) and weight (significant weight loss or gain)
  • social withdrawal
  • lack of energy and motivation
  • loss of sexual interest
  • exhaustion
  • headaches
Psychological:
  • feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, emptiness, failure as a mother
  • feelings of anger, guilt, resentment, shame
  • irritability
  • persistent low mood
  • loss of confidence
  • sadness, tearfulness
  • anxiety, panic attacks or phobias
  • irrational fears
  • mental confusion, lack of concentration, poor memory
  • apathy (just don't care)
  • rejection or excessive attachment to the baby
  • thoughts of suicide
What a Woman Can Do To Help Herself:
  • Sleep when the baby sleeps
  • Minimise workload by sharing it with others or ignoring anything unnecessary
  • Talk about experiences and feelings to family and friends
  • Eat a well balanced diet
  • Exercise regularly
  • Do something special for yourself everyday (have a aromatic bath, read a book, buy fresh flowers)
  • Get out of the house regularly
  • Maintain social contacts
  • Utilise the services of a support group
Although it may not always be easy to put these suggestions into practice, incorporating just a few can be very beneficialWhat a Partner Can Do:
  • Listen to what partner saying without trying to solve the problem
  • Be understanding (even if their partner has stayed in bed all day, house s mess, nothing for dinner)
  • Minimise visitors when it is tiring or when those visitors are unsympathetic
  • Attend appointments with health professionals
  • Be sympathetic to loss of sexual interest. Pressuring your partner into having sex is not helpful. Try to express love and affection in non-sexual ways such as hugs and cuddles
  • Organise time together as a couple
  • Take time out for themselves
What Family and Friends Can Do:
  • Listening: encourage the woman to talk about her emotions without feeling guilty or selfish. This can be very reassuring and can help relieve stress and anxiety
  • Practical Assistance: offer to do the weekly shopping, prepare meals, help with housework
  • Child-Care: offer to baby-sit so she can sleep or have time out alone or with her partner
When and Where to Seek Help: If you feel you aren't coping with the transition to mother hood or want to talk further about your feelings or are experiencing any of the signs and symptoms above or are just not feeling like yourself then please speak to someone. You are not alone. You do not need to feel like this. There is help. Please talk to your partner, a family member, GP, midwife, child health nurse about how you are feeling. If the person you speak to 'doesn't seem to get it' or is unsympathetic then take the time and effort to find someone who IS supportive.
Further Info/Assistance:
Posted by Michele @ The Hills are Alive at 9:55 PM Labels: , , , , , 0 comments
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Theme Scripture

Psalm 139

1 You have searched me, LORD, and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand — when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Annual MOPS Participation Fee

The annual MOPS Participation Fee of $10 assists MOPS Australia in covering the cost of training for Regional Coordinators to help other MOPS groups to develop around Australia. It also allows more MOPS group leaders around Australia to access regional training.

This will go a long way to helping MOPS Australia bring MOPS to more Mums around Australia.

When you register for MOPS each year, you will be handed an Annual Participation Fee form, and we ask that if you are able to pay this $10 participation fee, please do so before the end of April 2011.

The payment options are...
1. Direct Debit to MOPS Australia bank account
2. Credit card
3. Cheque payable to MOPS Australia
4. Cash to MOPS@MBC front desk

Thank you, from the MOPS@MBC team.

How did MOPS begin?

It was a Tuesday morning, at about 9.30. They each had faced spilled cereal, tangled hair, and a few had even been forced to change their outfits due to a last-minute baby throw-up on a shoulder or lap. They had driven, or pushed strollers, to the church and had dropped their little ones off in the creche. They had made it!

And now they sat, knees almost touching, in the circle of children's chairs from the Sunday school room. Hands held hot cups of tea and biscuits in utter freedom because this treat did not have to be shared with a child's sticky fingers. Mouths moved in eager, uninterrupted conversation. Eyes sparkled with enthusiasm. Hearts stirred with understanding. Needs were met.

That morning in 1973, was the first morning of MOPS, or Mothers of Preschoolers. Little was it known that from this small beginning in a church in Colorado, USA, the seeds of the MOPS concept and format had been planted. The needs of the women were met even then, through the opportunity for friendship, creative outlet and spiritual emphasis. MOPS International now charters approximately 2,500 MOPS groups in churches in the United States and 13 other countries throughout the world.

How did MOPS begin in Australia?

How did MOPS begin in Australia?

Nineteen years later and thousands of kilometres away, the same mutual need for sharing was realised by a group of mums with children under school age in Melbourne. After reading about the MOPS concept in the US, leaders introduced the program to the Clayton Church of Christ Fellowship in early 1990 and MOPS was born in Australia. From this small beginning, the seeds for future growth were planted, resulting in the formation of an affiliated body to support the ever-increasing number of Australian groups and the mums they served.

Since its formation in June 2000, MOPS Australia, Inc has grown rapidly and there are currently over 100 groups throughout Australia. In the last year alone, 35 new groups have commenced, with groups starting up regularly throughout different Christian denominations. Groups now meet in every state and territory in Australia, with an estimated ministry to approximately 2500 mums and 3000 children.

How did MOPS begin at MBC?

A Brief History of MOPS at MBC by Karen Askey-Doran (COordinator of MOPS til 2008 and currently Regional Coordinator).

In 1999, the leader of MBC’s women’s ministry caught the vision of MOPS. At that time I was a new Mum with little inclination to help; I was interested but not convicted!

Roughly a year later another meeting was held to generate interest. At this time I had another little baby girl, a 16-month-old toddler and, although I was unaware of it, Post Natal Depression. And once again people were interested but not compelled to lead.

In 2005 Holly, caught the vision of MOPS and began to sow the seeds of interest throughout the young Mums in our church. Robyn Robertson came to our first meeting and inspired us into action…the seeds Holly planted took hold!

People came slowly at first to fill the positions, it seemed there were a lot of blanks for a long time! Holly was going to be our Coordinator and when she filled out the charter she realised that a Mother of Preschoolers should really fill that role…. So she called me! Very graciously, Holly took a side step into a Mentoring role (very appropriate really).

God was moving in our midst, we had been blessed with an inspired team of 15 Mops Leaders and 9 Moppets Leaders, each one having a testimony about how God had lead them to this ministry!

I suspect that God has big plans for our group. I still feel very inadequate sometimes but I do trust God and I want to serve him and to reach out to Mums who are hurting, to support them. I want to encourage, you know, to build up… to make a difference in people’s lives, especially my children’s!

I know I’m not alone… In Romans 8:28 it says “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” He planned for my girls, my twins, my battle with PND. He planned for MOPS - at this time - in our church! The door has literally been flung open!

What happens at a MOPS meeting?

When a mum enters a MOPS meeting, she is greeted by a friendly face and escorted to MOPPETS, where her children enjoy their special part of the MOPS program. In MOPPETS, children from infancy through to school age experience a caring environment while they learn, sing, play and make crafts.

Once her children are settled, the MOPS mum joins a program tailor-made to meet her needs. She can grab something to eat and not have to share it! She can finish a sentence and not have to speak in words of two syllables!

The program typically begins with a brief lesson taught by an older mum who's been through the challenging years of mothering and who can share from her experience and from the truths taught in the Bible. Then the women move into small discussion groups where there are no "wrong answers" and each mum is free to share her joys and struggles with other mums who truly understand her feelings. In these moments, long-lasting friendships are often made on the common ground of finally being understood.

From here, the women participate in a craft or other creative activity. For mums who are often frustrated by the impossibility of completing anything in their unpredictable days, this activity is deeply satisfying. It provides a sense of accomplishment and growth for many mums.

Because mums of preschoolers themselves lead MOPS, the program also offers women a chance to develop their leadership skills and other talents. It takes organisation, creativity, and management skills to run a MOPS program successfully.

By the time they finish the MOPS meeting and pick up their children, the mums feel refreshed and better able to mother. MOPS helps them recognise that mums have needs too! And when they take the time to meet those needs, they find they are more effective in meeting the needs of their families.

Meeting the needs of Mothers of Preschoolers

The MOPS program is dedicated to meeting the needs of mothers of preschoolers. These needs have been identified by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall in their book, What Every Mum Needs:


The need for Identity: Sometimes I'm not sure who I am

The need for Growth: Sometimes I long to develop who I am

The need for Relationship: Sometimes I long to be understood

The need for Help: Sometimes I need to share the load

The need for Perspective: Sometimes I lose my focus

The need for Hope: Sometimes I wonder if there's more to life


Here's How Some Mums Describe MOPS

"MOPS means that I am able to share the joys and frustrations and insecurities of being a mum. Our meetings provide the opportunity to hear someone else say, "I was up all night," or "They're driving me crazy!"

MOPS mum, Perth

"As a single mum, this is the first group I've felt accepted in for who I am."

MOPS mum, Canberra

'On my first day at MOPS, I knew my life had changed forever! The women made me feel so relaxed. I had a peace I hadn't felt for a long time. They were so caring, pleasant, helpful…the list goes on! I just want to say, "Thank you MOPS!" If it weren't for MOPS, I wouldn't be where I am today.'

MOPS mum, Melbourne

'When I first started MOPS, I was very, very lonely. MOPS gave me a chance to get out of the house which I was grateful for. The talks were very informative. I found out a lot through these talks. My problems seemed to become smaller. When I first started at MOPS, I thought I was a Christian. I wasn't. Through MOPS I can now say, 'I am a Christian.' MOPS to me is not only Mothers of Pre Schoolers, but My Own Private Salvation!'

MOPS mum, Canberra