May 9 - Taking Care of Mum

This meeting fell just prior to Mother's Day so we set it up as a Day Spa with lots of "pampering stations" for Mums. We had nail painting/nail art, eyebrow waxing, foot spas, Simone gave a hand massage demo/lesson so we all tried that out. Morning Tea theme was decadence (lots of yummy treats including the best brownies we have ever tasted from Eileen (recipe to be posted ASAP). The craft activity was lovely Eye Pillows. made out of lovely fabric (pre-sown thankyou Nat) and filled with rice....now we just have to make the time to lay down, place one of these over our eyes and relax.....aaaahhhh

The following is a copy of the info presented by Michele Hill (Psychologist) as part of the Pampering Day Spa morning.

QUICK AND EFFECTIVE RELAXATION STRATEGIES FOR MUM'S TO PREVENT STRESS AND PROMOTE WELLBEING

There are a large number of relaxation techniques and strategies however in the MOPS session Michele cover some of the quick and easy (yet still very effective) methods of relaxation. She talked us through the strategies and then there was time for further practice if Mum's wished at the Relaxation Station. Mum's were also invited to come and ask questions about relaxation if you wished

What is Relaxation? Relaxation strategies are powerful tools you can use to cope with or minimise the effects of difficult and stressful situations. These strategies lead to a distinct physiological state that is the distinct opposite of the way your body feels and reacts under stress and tension. You can relax by having a bath, reading a book, going for a walk, getting a massage etc but these strategies go beyond that and have the advantage of being relatively portable and can be used almost anywhere anytime

Some of the Strategies to Try

Just stopping and slowing down: Too often we rush and race and don’t savour or enjoy. Sit somewhere nice for that cup of tea and use an actual china cup you like rather than grabbing it and doing 10 things while you gulp it down. Eat at the table with a nice plate and the TV off and savour the meal. Do one task, focus on one thing. Be in the moment. Achieve “FLOW” (art, sport etc flow = total absorption)

Diaphragmatic Breathing: Place one hand on your belly, just below the navel (belly button). On the inhalation (breathing in) your hand should move away from your body (stomach goes out), on the exhalation (breathing out) your hand should move toward the body. Focus your attention on the movement of your hand. You can do this standing, sitting or lying down. Follow your hand for several breaths. To help re-learn this skill, watch an animal or baby/young child breathing. This is the natural rhythm of breathing but we get lazy and learn to breathe incorrectly from the top part of lungs only and that then becomes habitual

Equalizing Breathing: Take four seconds to breathe in and four seconds to breathe out. That is, as you inhale (breathe in) count silently to yourself: one . . . two . . . three . . . four. Do the same as you breathe out. Do this for four or five breath cycles. Avoid holding your breath after the inhalation or the exhalation, just smoothly transition from one phase to the other

Controlled Breathing :This is one of the more simple strategies, but also one of the most effective. In its most basic forms it simply involves taking a slow deep breath in for a count of 3 or 4 seconds through your nose, and then letting that breathe out for a count of 3-4 seconds through your mouth. At the same time, focus your mind on your breathing and repeat the word "relax" quietly to yourself every time you breathe out. Let your breathing flow smoothly. Imagine the tension flowing out of your body each time you breathe out. Continue this way for about 5 minutes.
10’s and 100’s and Alphabet: Another breathing and counting one. Variation on the old counting sheep method. This one is good for falling asleep if you want to use it for that but also good for relaxing in a stressful awake time. This one involves starting at 100 (or 10 if you want a REALLY quick one) and focus on saying the number to yourself as you slowly and rhythmically breathe in and then breathe out (no number). Say the next number as you breathe in again, counting down (so 99), then breathe out and then 98 (as you breathe in) and then breath out and so on. If you want to add a visual element you can picture the numbers as you say them (maybe floating past, on the backs of a train, on a cloud, on a computer screen etc or you can picture stepping down a step each time you say a number. V v effective for going to sleep if your mind is racing at night. After a few practices of it, it becomes almost instant relaxation as you start it and you won’t make it all the way down to 0 very often. If you do get to zero just start again and cycle through. If your mind wanders and you do find yourself missing a number just start again or pick any number to start from it doesn’t matter. Seems to work better (particularly for sleep) going from 100 down to 0 but can work from 0 to 100 too if you wish. Another variation on this is to go through the alphabet (forwards) particularly if you are finding you are worrying too much about numbers and losing your place.
Scanning: Starting at the top of your head, mentally work your way slowly down your body noticing what areas are tense and actively releasing tension, allowing those parts to relax, droop, sag, de-knot. May help to think of something scanning your body such as the hand-held metal detectors at the airport as you scan through your body. Good one to do at the lights or when ever you answer the phone etc

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) :The main idea of PMR is to breathe nice and slowly as described in the controlled breathing technique, and then also to tense each muscle group in your body, in succession (eg. Working from your head and face, neck and shoulders, arms and hands, abdomen and back, buttocks and thighs, lower legs and feet), as you breathe in and then to let go and relax the muscles as you breathe out. Then give yourself 15-20 seconds to relax, noticing how the muscle group feels when relaxed in contrast to how it feels when tensed, before going on to the next group. Try and stay focused on your muscles as you're working through the exercise. Plenty of CDs/tapes that take you through PMR or you can try and read out instructions to yourself on a tape to follow. Once you know the routine very easy to do without the prompts but they may just help you when getting starting. Initially it may be hard to isolate specific muscles or muscle groups when trying this technique but keep practicing. Doesn’t really matter as long as there is an area of your body that is more tense and then relaxed.
Isometrics: This involves using opposite muscle pressure (pushing or pulling against t one of your own muscle groups or against an immovable object) to first notice and then release tension. Some examples are a) placing your hand under the sides of your chair and try to lift he chair pulling yourself down into the chair (feel the tension in your arms and shoulders and then release, b) Place your hand on your head (opposite side) and push into it. Feel the tension in your neck and then release c) interlock your fingers in front of you or behind you. Imagine they are stuck together with glue but try to pull them apart anyway. Feel the tension in your chest, arms and shoulder and then release. Try and breathe in as you tense your muscles and out as you relax. Don’t hold your breath. This shouldn’t hurt your muscles or cause pain. If this occurs you are tensing your muscles too hard. Aiming for tension not pain.

Visual Imagery – Going to your happy place: This involves visualizing (or imagining) yourself in a peaceful, pleasant, relaxing scene such as in a rainforest or by a lake or down by the beach. Somewhere where you have felt relaxed before. The idea is to free yourself from your stressful thoughts and to focus only on pleasant and relaxing thoughts. This sort of works on the same principle of how just thinking about a nice roast (or whatever your favourite meal is) makes you salivate and almost smell and taste it. You get a change in you when you think about it. Also works for sex too (just thinking about sex can create the arousal).,,,,, so similarly actively and deliberately thinking about a particularly peaceful and relaxing place tricks your body into feeling similar feelings. For best results, try and picture the scene in enough detail so that it completely absorbs your attention. Involve all of your senses (ie. imagine not just what you can see, but also what you can feel, hear, smell, touch and taste) so that you can return to this place whenever you want to relax. I often think about hanging in a hammock when camping just swinging in the breeze with a book in hand with just the right amount of sunshine and warmth, a light breeze and the smell and sound of the ocean in the background. Perfect. Works for me. What might work for you??? If you have trouble coming up with your own you can purchase CDs/tapes that take you on a guided journey, basically describing a place for you, usually with quiet ‘relaxation’ music to help set the scene and slow your breathing down

Relaxation music/CDs: A useful tool. Often set at a pace that slows your heartbeat/matches a resting heartbeat. A lot of classical music is relaxing for this reason, ditto lullabies etc. Gives you something to listen to to block out the world and may help you slow down and switch off. Downside is you cant just pull out and use anywhere not as portable as some of these strategies above

Troubleshooting Common Problems with Relaxation

No time: Make time. Plan to practice relaxation at set times and plan in advance where the children are going to be at these times. Place reminders (green spots or post it notes etc around the place to prompt you).These strategies can pretty much be practiced anywhere anytime. Look for moments where you can practice these, in the car, at the lights, while on the loo, cleaning your teeth, standing at the sink or the ironing board, standing in the line at the supermarket, while sitting at your desk. It is a good idea to make it habitual like cleaning your teeth. Ritualise it. Look for anchors or reminders such as every time you change a nappy or stop at red light or answer the telephone

Not being able to relax/Losing focus/Mind wandering: Practice! Like any new skill the more you practice the better you get at it. You can learn to train your attention. It is within your control. Think of your attention like a torch beam that can be broad (wandering) or narrow (focused). Think about how you can tune in and out of a conversation or TV program or movie dialogue. With practice you can do the same with relaxation. Thoughts will enter your mind. That’s fine. Let them pass and go back to the relaxation task. Some people write down all their thoughts/worries on a notepad before starting relaxation to clear their head. Others use visualisation (thinking in detail about it/forming pictures in your head, using all the senses where possible) to picture any concerns or things that may get in the way of relaxation using a symbol for each issue (so maybe an alarm clock if you are thinking I have to be out of the house by 2.30, a vacuum cleaner if you are thinking about all the housework still to be done, and a computer if you are thinking about all the work you need to do. Then picture a big box/trunk etc, picture yourself opening the box and placing all these issues in the box, shutting the lid and even maybe putting a big lock in the box and placing it out of sight. THEN start the relaxation technique, Another idea is to imagine the thoughts floating by on clouds, or down a stream/river or running past on neon sign. Main thing is to acknowledge the thought but to bring your mind back to the relaxation and focus on that.

Getting stressed/agitated: It is paradoxical but occasionally some people find they start to get agitated or stressed when trying to relax. This may be as it is very new and different and their body is used to/more familiar being in a ‘wired’ state so much so that this feels “the norm”. Often there is a feeling of being unsafe and vulnerable, of letting your guard down. If this is the case it is a good idea to initially perhaps relax with eyes open, or relax in a place where there are other people you trust or somewhere that you feel safe and more at ease.

Falling asleep: While you can certainly use relaxation as a very effective way to help you fall asleep at night it is also useful/important to learn to relax your body while in a wakeful state (and to remain awake). Falling asleep while practicing relaxation techniques is usually more of an issue with the longer/deeper methods of relaxation than these brief ones. Obviously falling asleep during relaxation is a sign that you are not getting adequate sleep. So after working on how to improve both sleep quantity and quality (something outside the scope of this handout) try using only the upright methods rather than laying on a bed etc sit in a chair or on the floor or remain standing.